Treblinka! U Died!
by Burnt Taco
Summary: All Naruto characters without blonde hair and blue eyes are captured. Warning: Yaoi and possible mpreg.
1. Chapter 1

PROLOGUE

Once upon a time… In a land far far away there was a man whose name was Kelly. He thought that Hitler was right and that blonde hair and blue eyes were truly superior. So, he went to the Naruto universe to capture and put in jail anyone who didn't have that hair and eye combination.

Kelly stood in the rain in his compound whilst wearing a pink coat. "All of you are imperfect and you will in large cells based on hair color. This is Treblinka and this is where you will live for the rest of your lives." He pointed to the small looking, brown building behind him.

Tobi was flailing around his hand and Kelly called on him. "How are we all going to fit in there Kelly-sama?"

"Oh. There's a basement." He turned to look at all the anime freaks in front of him. "Now, those of you who have abnormal hair colors follow Zagraphios!" The masked servant took Sakura, Karin and Konan to their cell which was one of the smallest they had in the entire encampment."

He continued."Now red heads next! Follow Matey!" Pein, Sasori, and Gaara reluctantly followed.

"Now, I don't know why some of you have white hair but follow C-karl." All those with the afore-mentioned hair color followed… all except for Hidan who had to be forcibly dragged.

"HOW YOU ******** DARE! JASHIN WILL HAVE ALL YOUR ********* HEADS!"

The same thing happened with the Brunettes and the Blackies with Tobi screaming "FIELD TRIP! FIELD TRIP! WE'RE GOING ON A FIELD TRIP! Wait, where's senpai?" All of them were taken to their rooms by Mulhadi!

Shikamaru complained somewhere in the back.

Finally, Tsunade and Jugo were escorted by the man servant, Fogarity!

"Ha ha ha!" Kelly laughed in all their faces. Then he turned to the lonely Kisame and Zetsu. "Ewww. You two are groady! Because I don't even know what the heck you two are, I am sending you two to the special squishy padded room! Away with them!"

Back in Konoha, all the blonde-haired, blue-eyed people got together in an attempt to save their friends.

"We must ally ourselves if we are to get more than half our world back!" Temari was already planning ahead.

"What can we do?" whined Ino. "I don't wanna save Chouji!"

"I say we blow their fortress to bits!" Deidara was being his usual self.

"I say we save Sasuke first!" Naruto was practically in tears because he wanted to save his lover! "But, I have to agree with Ino. I'm cool and Deidara is Akatsuki level, but the rest of you… Ino is a whiny little bitch who cares nothing for anyone else and she has no particular offensive talent. Temari's … okay."

"What did you just say, punk!" Temari yelled.

Ino just burst into wussy tears.

"Sounds like you guys need a leader!" The fourth hokage suddenly appeared! **(Authors' Note: WTF) **

"Father!" Naruto was ecstatic.

"Indeed. I shall lead you to victory!"

Deidara and Temari looked at each other. "You guys have missed something really important here."

Everyone else turned their heads and said, "What did we miss?"

The other two sighed. "There are only five of us and we don't know where the hell this 'Treblinka' is!"

**Authors' Note: **

**Hippielicious: Okay, in time we will tell how everyone was captured. Hmmm, oops I found Tobi's invitation to Treblinka in my pocket…**

**Burnt Taco: I thought up that Treblinka should be brown. And the name for the fanfiction was inspired by none other than miko-pandax3! And Treblinka is an actual Nazi death camp!**

**Both of us: No one is meant to be offended by this fic!**


	2. Chapter 2

For the time being, we'll be in the squishy padded room with the lonely Kisame and Zetsu.

"So," asked Kisame. "Come here often?"

White Zetsu responded with, "Ummm, not really." While Black Zetsu said, "I would sure hope not."

"Okay then." They sat in awkward silence – probably due to the awkward questions – until Kisame broke it again. "It's dark. I'm scared."

"Of course it's dark! It's the special person squishy padded room! There's no windows."

"I was just trying to keep the conversation flowing!" he complained haughtily. "Jeez! You're being icky, Zetsu!" There was another very very very long pause as Zetsu Kisame's attention-seeking comments. "So, what are you in for?"

"I don't know, what are you in for?"

"I don't know, what are you in for?" This continued for several minutes until Zetsu finally said, "Fine! I'm in here for looking funny!"

"So, how _long_ you in for?"

"I don't know, life, I guess."

"That's nice. Wonderful weather we're having."

"There are no ********* windows in here, hoebag!" Zetsu screamed in frustration.

"Okay, well I'm really embarrassed about the way I was captured. Do you wanna know a really nifty story, Zetsu? It's neat-o."

"Not really…"

"Okay, I'll tell you. Now, see, I was, like, hanging out with Itachi. And we were, like, getting done so they would like, look nice for Pein. Since, you know, were, like, having one of those Jinchuriki sealing meetings. And anyway, we were ambushed by these weirdos who had something called machine guns! It was crazy, girlfriend. Even Itachi was scared!"

*Flashback on the event* After further inspection, we see that Itachi had a very straight face and showed no fear.

"And anyway, that, was like, how we were captured and taken to, like, Treblinka, and like, yeah."

"That was a lovely story, Kisame. Now get away from me!" Zetsu, as it turned out, was captured in a similar fashion. Tee hee.

* * *

Now, let us journey to a much more normal room, where the people don't have normal hair colors, but at least they look human.

Sakura, Konan, and Karin were getting along a lot better than Zetsu and Kisame… at least, Sakura and Konan were. Karin was doing a very bad job at making friends.

"Sasuke-kun cannot live without me!"

"I bet he can." Konan was the only the only person in this room who was level-headed about men. Though, at least Sakura was sane, because the same cannot be said for Karin.

"Sasuke will be mine! Back away, bitches! Out of my way!"

"The door is looked, moron."

Sakura tried to break through the door, only to find that it was six solid feet of titanium. She was still on the floor gasping in pain an hour later. I wonder what could be wrong? And to think, she thought that she was wonder woman.

"How did they capture this many competent shinobi?" Konan wondered out loud. "They weren't all that good at fighting, but they captured my foot in some sort of steel trap that wouldn't open." **(A/N: An inhumane animal trap, for those of you who are wondering.)**

Oddly enough, Sakura and Karin answered at the same time. "Oh, they told me that they know where Sasuke-kun was!" Then, they glared at each other. "Sasuke-kun is mine!" After that, it became a shouting match, then a bitch-slapping match between the two pink-haired girls.

* * *

Now, as for our blonde-haired, blue-eyed 'heroes'…

"No, I say that we should go in fast and furious with a bunch of C-3!"

"No way! I should enter the mind of whoever is in charge and find out where they are, and how to defeat them!" Ino disagreed.

"You don't even know what that person's name is loudmouth! You are too ignorant to understand true art, you pig! Even though you look slightly like me, a little."

"We need to come up with a strategy before we decided anything!" Temari yelled.

"No! That's too hard!" whined Naruto. "We should just completely wing it!"

"That will get us all killed you fool!" Everyone but Naruto and Ino shouted this, including the Fourth Hokage. He sighed, exasperated. They were never going to agree on anything and everyone was going to die a horrible, painful, really icky death. Not pretty.

Then, Deidara pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket that looked like a five-year-old had written on it. "This is from Tobi," he said in a surprised voice. "That baka!" he shouted.

"What?" Everyone else was on edge, wondering what Tobi could have possibly written to Deidara.

Deidara reluctantly read the note out loud.

_Dear Deidara-Senpai,_

_Guess what? Guess! Guess! I was invited to a super secret awesome party! The invitation said that only cool people were invited and that Deidara-Senpai would arrive later! So, don't forget. Here's the address and the time you're supposed to arrive. It even said how to get here! You have to perform a super duper special jutsu to get in, and here's the direction on how to use it!_

The letter gave really elaborate directions on everything mentioned and the Fourth Hokage looked at it.

"This is going to take a long time to teach everyone," he muttered. It would take even longer for them all to stop being idiots and start working together. Because the 'guns of machine' were certainly formidable and ickey.

**Authors' Note:**

**Hippielicious: Okay, we are awesome writing partners because I'm all serious and she's good with the funny stuff. (…) I don't do well with funny. Anyway, next time we actually update, we'll get to the white-haired people and hopefully the brown-haired people. The black-haired people get a chapter all to themselves because there's so many. On to you, Burnt Taco!**

**Burnt Taco: Hey hey! What up buddies! Isn't this story going well? I know right! If you happy raise your hand! *raises hand really high* And thanks for your comments and alerts and favorites! They make me all warm and bubbley on the inside! *Big hug!***


	3. Chapter 3

We enter a room that is filled with gingers. Surprisingly, it was silent. Nothing happened! Silence! So, we'll be back here later when something interesting happens. Considering it's Pein, Sasori, and Gaara, we could be here a while.

Okay, so while we're waiting on the boring people, let's check out those with white hair. The men were sitting in a circle drinking sake, except for Hidan who was still throwing a tantrum slash diva fit. In other words, he was slamming his scythe against the door and screaming in strange tongues. In a rough translation, "Let me outta here you mother ******s! You will burn in Jashin's realm. I see pain in your future!"

Jiraiya saw that Kabuto's mind was in the gutter. "Not that Pein, Kabuto! You wish!"

"Wh-what are you talking about! You speak lies, Jiraiya! I am reserved for one individual and one individual only! He and I made a promise to each other. We would never cheat on each other." In another room, Orochimaru sneezed.

While Kakashi was not in a good mood because of his withdrawal from pervy books, he still managed to stay a part of the conversation. "While we're all aware that we're enemies, I'm happy that we can all get along under such duress. By the way, Jiraiya, we need to have a 'man chat.' To discuss manly business."

"Isn't this a wonderful gathering of beautiful men?" All heads in the room slowly turned to face a strange and otherworldly boy who was sitting in the corner.

"And just who the hell are you?" they all asked simultaneously, their eyes turning into angry yellow diamonds.

"Who me? I'm Hatsuharu."

"Are you even in this anime?" asked Suigetsu, as he sipped leisurely from his water bottle.

"Nope."

"Then why the hell are you here?"

"Who knows?"

Kabuto assessed for or two, looking him up and down, mostly down if you know what I mean. Then he said, "Welcome to the club, want some sake?"

"Sure. Whatever." Then they all got tipsy and began singing things out of Jiraiya's books.

* * *

Now, back to our league of extraordinary red-headed gentlemen. Now, while Sasori and Gaara were still silent as death, Pein was having a wonderful conversation with himself!

"So, how's life Animal Path?"

"Well, I'm stuck in this hell hold, but apart from that, life is wonderful, Human Path! How about you, Deva Path?"

"Just dandy! Except for my crazy fangirl stalkers. They worry me with their obessiveness."

The Asura Path, in a wise voice said, "Fangirls worry everyone with a brain. That's why some of those Konoha folks actually like their fangirls."

"No objections, there," said Sasori and Gaara. Speaking for the very first, and last time during their stay here.

The Preta Path gasped. "I thought those were two sick, mute children." With that, Gaara and Sasori face-palmed.

* * *

Mulhadi had to rush into the room of brown-haired people to break up a fight between Kakuzu and Chouji. In all honesty, it wasn't a fair fight and wasn't much of a fight at all. Kakuzu was showing his immense skill in slapping people. (He learned it from Hidan. The master.) Chouji didn't stand a chance, he got: 10 slaps across the face…consecutively. Chouji had a permanent red mark in the shape of a hand after that. Apart from Kakuzu starting bitch-slapping contests, the room was pretty quiet. Chouji had lost some weight, Kakuzu wanted to steal people's hearts, and the Hyuugas were constantly challenging each other to sparring matches. Maybe not Hinata, though, she kind of just sat there. Crying in the absence of Naruto.

However, unlike many of the other rooms, there was a resistance group that had formed in this room that was trying to break out of Kelly's shack-like hideout of death and doom. They were among the few who actually realized that the blondes back at home certainly weren't capable of saving them. I mean, Naruto was part of the group, with him on their team, there was no way they could win. And they knew this. They being: Kiba, Neji, Kankuro, Tenten, Yamato, and Kakuzu. Them, along with a couple other people who were stuck in their damp, moldy, prison.

Unfortunately, Hinata didn't have the nerve to help them, Hanabi was too young and foolish, and Chouji was too lazy.

Kakuzu was being ever practical. "We need more money if we're going to rebel against our captors, and break free. It's an expensive business."

Kankuro disagreed. "Girl, watchoo talkin' 'bout?" Then, he snapped his fingers in a Z formation. Then began another slapping match involving Kankuro and Kakuzu. Although, it was a lot more evenly matched than earlier. Because, Kankuro was the middle child, and therefore, and expert at the bitch-slap. Then Mulhadi had to come in and break it up again, with reinforcements. Fogarity, C-karl, Matey. It took all ten of Kelly's servants to drag Kankuro and Kakuzu away from each other.

"Next time, Yamato is doing this!" Mulhadi muttered. She didn't like having to get into the middle of a bitch slapping fight. Especially one of this caliber involving two super slappers! If it were her choice, she would just leave them alone, but Kelly didn't want to get sued.

"You people are always using me! I'm constantly overworked. I built that row of houses, worked my butt off, and you still expected more work of me! How dare you!"

C-karl turned her head. "By the way, Yamato, Kelly wants new living quarters, and a swimming pool. You're coming with us. We're going to work you to death!"

"Nooooo!" Yamato cried as Kelly's servants forcibly dragged him away.

"Now," announced Mulhadi. "While Yamato's away, we need someone else in charge of keeping the peace here!" She scanned the room for potential candidates. "You! Funny-eyed one!" She pointed to Neji. "If there are any more fights in here, don't call me here. Hesitate to ask me! And if I hear from Kelly about this room being disruptive to his beauty sleep, you all go to bed without supper! Have I made myself clear?"

**Hippielicious: Now, sorry the long wait. We're just busy people, I guess. Besides, it takes a lot of planning for us to get together to write. Anyway, review and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**Burnt Taco: Guess what? We were going to go sledding today, but it got all groady! There are 8 reviews and that means four per chapter! Yes! Loyal fan group.**

**Hippielicious: Be sure to check out my new story called Stuck With Sai. It's about Konoha teens getting Sexual Education!**

**Burnt Taco: And don't forget to check out Deidara in Fruits Basket, where Deidara meets some very special people from Fruits Basket and nearly blows them up.**


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